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JESSIE ROBINSON Jessie Robinson was born on November 6, 1953 to parents Kathy (Gallic) and Doug Robinson to a family that eventually totalled 10 girls and one boy, who are all of diitiid?aatx and c'isaa?ath heritage. As a tiny baby, fear and shame were her major teachers. Her parents learned well the teaching tools of the Residential School system and brought them to their new home, not knowing how it would devastate the emotional well-being of their children. That was all her parents knew, along with coping skills that helped them survive the daily horrors of the schools. The coping mechanisms of detachment, numbness, denial and self-hatred (to name a few) were enmeshed onto their children until they became one big wound with no boundaries. Jessie couldn't speak till she was four years old. The only word she could let out was "botch." Ridicule and judgment surfaced for years around this. "The doctor said she was just too lazy to talk, and now we can't shut her up" was a favourite. She often wonders about the trauma that silenced her as a child. Violence riddled the simple daily activities. Love and trust never surfaced and the safest place for Jessie was within the dark walls of the cubby holes in the bedroom she shared with her four sisters. The violence against the children soon turned to violence against each other and today they still struggle with loving and supporting each other. There were many times laughter filled the house, singing songs, baking, visiting relatives and holidays, especially Christmas and Easter. Oh, that was a special time where her mother would decorate and make everything so special. Those were the times when her mom wasn't hiding behind the Residential School doors, she was who she was meant to be all along, a beautiful loving mother. Singing on the porch with their dad strumming was a special time for all of them. It was normal to see young students from the Residential School sneaking around being fed by her mother. Later, when they changed homes, to their grandparents' older house right by the school, the students started hiding from the supervisors at all hours of the night in the back of their house. It was common to lie and tell the angry men that there was no one at their house. It grew common to lie about everything that happened in their house, until one day the lies became her truths. With no sense of self-esteem and the belief that violence was love (her first addiction was abusive relationships), she married a man who had already taken away her ability to have babies by brutally aborting them in the wee hours of the night in her family's kitchen. A man who had fractured every finger on both her hands, who had left her mouth full of scars and broken her nose twice. Yet, she felt this was love. She tried many times to leave this man and even moved to Victoria, yet, he still tracked her down and beat her. There are two situations that stands out for Jessie at this time. Her mother was known for waking up very angry and this one day was no exception. Jessie had put her boot too near to the fireplace and burnt it right down. This was a good reason for her mother to hurl the boot in her face. if it wasn't for her sister, Joyce, Jessie would have had to go to school with her eye bleeding, swollen and shut tight. This was the first time Joyce would ever stand up against her mother. She yelled at her and told her to leave Jessie alone as she shoved Jessie upstairs. When she got home from school, Jessie and her mother were laughing, baking for supper, Jessie was 11 years old. When Jessie was 14 years old, she was dropped off to visit a friend in Nanaimo without asking her parents. She just wanted to sit by their indoor swimming pool. When her dad got home, he asked her to sit on the bed and proceeded to smack her in the face till her face was swollen beyond recognition and was black and blue. No one tried to help because she deserved it. It was in Vancouver, and with the help of Witch Fred, that she was able to leave. This is where her second longest addiction kicked in … shoplifting from stores. She became a professional and it became her business and afforded her a new way of living … beautiful clothes, beautiful linens, beautiful accessories and a beautiful life. Her subconscious told her nothing was wrong with stealing from stores, her denial was so strong that she couldn't connect right from wrong and besides, a tiny voice inside always said that somebody owed her anyway. Drugs and alcohol (her third addiction) mentally covered her wounds and she loved the feeling of freedom. It is hard to believe today, how backward Jessie was when she first lived in Vancouver. Witch would tell her to lift her head and talk to people. Oh, she learned fast and loved the friendships she found. IT was one such friendship with Charlene Angus that led her to Prince Rupert where she was supposed to spend one week. This is where she met her second husband, who was very kind, very generous and very not violent. She married him but he was too nice and she wasn't used to it. She found it easy to leave him, no strong abusive ties would hold her to this relationship. Moving back to Vancouver, she found herself in the midst of the Oriental people and soon moved in with a young man and became every bit Chinese as the people she hung with. It wasn't until a good friend asked her what nationality she was, and told her that she should be proud of who she was, that Jessie began researching her people. She thought to herself that if she could be so good at shoplifting, surely she could be good at something else. She went to the Native Education Center and graduated with her GED and a Native Public Administration Course Certificate. After a short practicum at the Vancouver School Board Offices researching the nuucaan'ut people, a lot of memories started to come back to her. She remembered how her mother would insist that they cook and bake for the old people and sit around or practise dancing. They had no choice and often their friends would laugh, it wasn't cool to be Indian at that time. Her mother knew the kindness and the love that the old people would bring to her children, not to mention ancient teachings, they learned from the masters. The late George Clutesi, Margaret Shewish, Jessie Gallic, Bessie Dick, Mabel Yukum, Billy Yukum, Cecelia Williams, Weenuck and many more elders. What a wonderful time in their life. It wasn't until she began working with Wally Awasis in an inner city elementary school, that she put her teachings to work. Upon the urging of Wally, she started a multi-cultural dance group. With no hesitations, George Clutesi gave her permission to use his play and Chief Adam Shewish gave his blessings to use all the c'isaa?ath songs. It was at this time that she took her first line of cocaine, and was hooked immediately, and within a few years, started smoking crack cocaine. The shoplifting increased with the increased use of cocaine and the downhill battle began. Her boyfriend's violence and behaviour was so out of control, she eventually left him and started another relationship with a man who was in and out of jail. It was there she was busted for bringing marijuana in for him and her job at the Vancouver School Board was over. Twenty-six years after she left Port Alberni, she was home. To rebuild her life she went into the Treatment Centre called Tsow-Tun Le Lum in Nanoose. It was in this healing place she started to look at her childhood for what it was, not for what she hoped it would be. As she courageously opened the doors to her past and shared the heart breaking stories, she found her behaviours were finally not judged right or wrong and that she was not good or bad. She was not judged and this helped her to trust enough to allow herself to let go and begin the healing. She met the scared little girl and didn't know what to do with her, she hated her. So began the connections back to the losses and rejections of long ago. She only wanted to be loved, but when people were unable to love, she found ways to pacify the loss with addictions. These addictions helped her survive and worked for her for a long time, but soon enough they became her worst enemy. Shortly after her stay at Tsow-Tun Le Lum she signed up for one of the most empowering workshops called Choices. At 44 years old, she finally was able to feel unconditional love for the first time and she was finally starting to love herself for who she was, not for what people thought she was or for what she could give. Cocaine is a sneaky, quiet and powerful addiction and she entered Tsow-Tun Le Lum for the second time a year later. This is when she looked at the addiction to abusive relationships and her unhealthy behaviours. She couldn't help but address this as her last two boyfriends were in the Treatment Centre at the same time as her, both with past sexual abuse charges, both violent and both fresh out of jail. Life in her family was anything but smooth as lateral violence reeked havoc on a daily basis and almost everyone pretended it wasn't happening, everyone but her sister Ann. It was she who took Jessie's hand and validated the childhood abuse and named the hatred ripping through their family. It was Ann who told her she loved her and helped her through suicidal thoughts. It was Ann and her daughter, Nikki, who helped her through her roughest times of family issues … the issues that are at the core of her addictions and pain. With no jobs available, Jessie found funding and developed a program called Painting Pride, where young men from her tribe would paint and put up pictures on the Somass Hall. The young men were actively involved with drugs and alcohol, but, as she always told them, "This isn't a treatment program and it is your birthright to know your culture, and when you know your culture, you will never abuse it." The program was a great success and the eight young men planned and organized their own feast where they would then unveil the paintings. Soon after, she found more money and started a program called Carving Our Culture where they carved a canoe for their tribe. She finally got a job at haahuupay'ak School and began putting her teachings to work with her own people. She found tremendous knowledge in bringing her past lessons in with the students' present problems and finding solutions to help them start healing their shattered lives. She began working deep within another level of song and dance, bringing in the disciplines and the grounding on a more serious level. There was a lot of controversy and criticisms at first from the parents concerned over a different teaching strategy, but as the students succeeded more and more to become the best they could be a lot of support started happening. But Jessie still had a lot of work to do on herself. She was charged with shoplifting and was facing the possibility of being fired. The Board gave her a chance and asked her to take a leave and get help. Her heart broke as she called a circle with the older students and explained to them of her mistakes and that she was going to correct it and would be gone for awhile. She found herself at Tsa-Kwa-Luten Healing Lodge, a healing center on Quadra Island. She worked hard on connecting her heart to the scary places in her brain, the place of denial and fear. Like the other healing centers, this place was so safe and so full of love and caring that she was able to open many other doors to her past. It was around this time that she orchestrated two elders' meetings and, after their approval, wrote the Animal Kingdom Play. It is during this training that the students work on a level of success and gratitude. This is where they learn that it is okay to make mistakes because they aren't the mistake, but they can make mistakes. This is where they find wonderment and magic to become the animal and to delve into the spiritual world where our ancestors went a long time ago. This is a place of healing, a place of strength. Jessie says that she will continue to work hard to be the best she can be and is grateful for everything that happened in her life. Today she works with her mother, side by side, with the Animal Kingdom performance. It brings them both healing in a place where healing was impossible. Today, she is in trauma counselling working hard with Phyliss, who never lets her re-traumatize herself again while healing the past. She knows that she will be on this healing journey till the day she dies and is thankful for everyone that has helped along the way.
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